Death note brought us a new sort of series when it came around in 2006. Light suddenly one day has a journal fall into his hands that, if he writes the name of the person whom he wants to die, they die in whatever manner he describes. L or L Lawliet comes in to try and crack whomever Kira is and bring him to justice. Thus an epic adventure begins.

L… well we never really know what the L stands for. It could come from the moniker that he adopts called Hideki Ryuuga but the reality is is that Ryuuga starts with an R, not an L. This could be though that in Japanese there is no distinct “L” sound in Japanese but more of an R/L hybrid sound. Lawliet, on the other hand, is supposed to be pronounced as "low light"… yeah… we are just going to leave that one there. Clearly, the creator was wanting to make something to be the opposite of Raito and be Low Light but why not Row Right? It makes no sense. Either way, this is not a name you would ever hear in everyday life, and if anyone was shown this without prior knowledge, they would probably just say “Lahw lee-et” and not “low light”.

Verdict: Good job Tsugumi Ohba. You kinda tried?

Code Geass was another Shounen/Seinen anime that a lot of the community has seen. Schneizel came to us when he was presented as an amazing strategist in season 1 on par with Lelouch. In season 2, he is the main antagonist. Of season 2 and is shown as being cool and calculated. What was not calculated though was that name.

We won’t even get into how the last name “el Britannia”. The Britannia, is not even a real name or word for that matter. Schneizel on the other hand, is a goldmine. One does not have to study very hard in order to know some very basic German. English does come from German after all. Most likely what the creator was going for and horribly missed was some sort of German sounding name or word. What they are close to is Schnitzel. Schnitzel is meat that has been pounded with a meat tenderizer, coated with flour, eggs, and breadcrumbs, and then fried. In Germany is it commonly made with pork which leads to it being a dick joke. Much like how Schneizel tended to act in the series. Have we made you laugh yet? There is more coming.

Verdict: You kinda tried Gorou Taniguchi. Thanks for playing.

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.- W.C. Fields

No, this is not Final Fantasy, and no, no one is about to learn a new spell called Holy via a stone or leveling up. Nice Holystone was actually someone who was introduced in Baccano! In the series, Nice is a fairly mellow individual who loves making explosives. She does not have a right eye due to an accident and she has tons of scares to due to her experiments. Nice and good ole Jacuzzi are the standard childhood friends.

They did not even try here. Maybe you could relate stone to her calm disposition, but that's about where it stops. This name is simply an amalgamation of words and sounds slammed together to make a “name”. The equivalent is when people take names for themselves without knowing if it is a real name or not. “Nice” does not sound like anything in Japanese while “Holy” could maybe be close to “Holly”, but even then that is a stretch. This name sounds like what someone who is a gem collector, walks into a shop, and exclaims, “nice holystone!” while then trying to haggle down the price to purchase it on their own.

Verdict: No Ryohgo Narita, you did not even try here. This is a dictionary scramble, through and through.

In the newest episode of “What did you just call my sister?”, Aaroniero Arruruerie is Espada #09 from Bleach. Bleach sports well over 200 characters, and this is the effect. Unfortunately, you get a bunch of sounds slammed together, and boom!, a name is born. Now, Aaroniero is supposed to be based on the name of Eero Aarnio, who is a Finnish interior designer. That part is easy to see. Reverse the name of Eero Aarnio and you get something that sounds like Aaroniero. That is fine. What is not so fine is where Arruruerie comes from.

One could surmise that it was an attempt to make a French sounding name. (Again with the taking of names when you do not know where it comes from, nor if it is a real word) Japanese people have an obsession with France. So much so, that when they go and find out that France is nothing like they think it is, they become diagnosed with Paris Syndrome. In fact, it is so bad, that as of 2004, the Japanese embassy now offers a 24-hour hotline to help people who are suffering from this depression while on vacation. It would not be a stretch then, in this idolism of France, to make Arruruerie have a French sounding name. Arruruerie is not a word as far as we know!

Verdict: Tite Kubo. The first name is passable but… the second name? You kinda tried.

Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself – J.K. Rowling

Jugem Jugem is a poop throwing side character in Gintama who ends up getting a whole arc in the story called the Jugem Arc. He hates Gintoki and will always throw his poop at him when he sees him. We would talk about this name after giving you the full thing but really, why bother once you read the translation.

Jugem Jugem’s actual full name is “Jugemu Jugemu Unko Nageki Ototoi no Shin-chan no Pantsu Shinpachi no Jinsei Balmunk Fezarion Isaac Schneider San Bun no Ichi no Junjou na Kanjou no Nokotta San Bun no Ni wa Sakamuke ga Kininaru Kanjou Uragiri wa Boku no Namae wo Shitteiru you de Shiranai no wo Boku wa Shitteiru Rusu Surume Medaka Kazunoko Koedame Medaka... Kono Medaka wa Sakki to Chigau Yatsu Dakara Ikeno Medaka no Hou Dakara Raa-yuu Yuuteimiyaouki Mukou Pepepepepepepepepepepepe Bichiguso Maru”

That translated to roughly “Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the Life of Shin-Chan’s Two-Day-Old Underwear Balmung Fezalion Isaac Schneider 1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish This Is A Different Dogfish, I’m Talking About The Dogfish Shark Kaluga Ray Yuuteimiyaoukimukou pepepepepepepepepepepepe Runny Diarrhea.”

Verdict: Pretty sure you did the same as the others, Hideaki Sorachi, or you just really like to troll everyone. Either way, kudos.

Bring Stabity was a character in Gundam 00. Stoic in nature, he survives until the second season when he is killed in a battle with Tieria. Afterwards, he is cloned and his clones are used as suicide pilots. Not exactly the greatest legacy eh?

Bring right off from the beginning is something that clearly was pulled out of a dictionary. Not even bothering to try, he was given the name “Bring”. Now, Stabity, on the other hand, could go a few ways. It could refer to stability and the spelling, surprise surprise, was messed up in translation from katakana Japanese to English, and the last “li” just never made it in. That would make sense. Then again, it also sounds as if Bring is bringing some sort of stabity into your life? Maybe Bring is about to stab you? Who knows. Considering that his first name is Bring, the first theory stands with more logic. We doubt that the writer was able to produce on their own.

Verdict: What is dictionary Yoshiyuki Tomino? GG For kinda trying?

I love the name of honor, more than I fear death. – Julius Caesar

Ren Ren Ren Nagusaran Rensei Rurooonren Nakora was part of DearS as was the DearS for Takuya. Sweet and nice, she was given the name Ren by Takuya but how she got her unique name is related to her ID number which is 000-3901-0. Somehow the series, the creator made up a special language just for it and gave her, her name. Now, in the series, she is called Ren Adiero, but her actual name is the monstrosity above.

This one, while incredibly ridiculous, is understandable. Supposedly in the made up alien language, her long, ridiculous name is essentially numbers being sounded out. Literally. That is it. If we cannot think of a better reason, other than that her name is ridiculous, for being the pronunciation of 000-3901-0. True, in English Zero zero zero threeninezeroone zero is a pretty stupid name. The same falls true for Japanese with zero zero zero sankyuuzeroichi zero. Alternatively, maru maru maru sankyuumaruichi maru is another one.

Verdict: Now you are just being silly. Chill out Peach-Pit and have a few seats

In the world of Gakusen Toshi Asterisk, Julis Riessfeld, as she is known, is a princess from a faraway off land where she has arrived to raise money for an orphanage in Lieseltania. Hot headed and arrogant, she is ready for a fight at all times. This includes when she meets Ayato for the first time and jumps to conclusions that he wants her. Tsundere to the core she is just as ridiculous as her name.

While there are traditions in certain countries to give people multiple names, such as in Spanish speaking cultures, German does not in particular. So why give a female lead 1, 2, 3…6 names?? Oh right! Cause it sounds EXOTIC. Recently, there has been an uptick in German sounding names to us while to Japanese people, it sounds like as if someone is speaking sweet nothings into their ears. There are no kanji for her name which means they all come in the favorite flavor of, that’s right, katakana! We could look up the etymology of these names, but that would be boorish and we don’t want to do that to you now do we? Maybe Japan is just moving beyond France due to Paris Syndrome, and has found a new country to idolize.

Verdict: Were you even trying Yuu Miyazaki??

Every name is real. That's the nature of names. – Jerry Spinelli

Full stop. This name is a dirty word. Now that we have said that, let’s introduce #2 on our list! Crystel Ketsuno, later found out to be Ana Ketsuno, is a weather reporter who is actually the affection of Gintoki’s crush! She is sweet and upbeat before and after her marriage. Now then let’s get to this stupid name.

Ana is a common name cropping up in Japan where they will use kanji to make the sounds An and A or A and Na, to make a girl’s name. What happens though, is that in Ana’s case we need to treat her name as Japanese people see it. Not Ana Ketsuno as we see it, but Ketsuno Ana. When you break the name apart “Ketsu” means “butt”, “no” is a particle indicating possession while “ana” means “hole”. Can you connect the dots? We will give you a minute…

Correct, her name literally means butthole when reached at face value. Now she was given Kanji to make her name seem real as Ketsuno. Ketsu means “to tie to bind to fasten” while No means “plains or field” with the Kanji assigned. However, Japanese people are not about to learn this random character’s name, but rather laugh in glee every time someone says “butthole” when referring to Ana. She was made to be a joke and exists as a joke to everyone in Japan.

Verdict: Hideaki Sorachi Troll Level: Over 9000

If you ever want to feel really good about yourself and the decisions you have made in life, watch Ginga Eiyuu Densetsu. The 110 episode OVA started in 1988 and ended in 1997. Littered with battles in Space and a fantastic watch, this space opera is one to write home to mom about when it comes to stupid names. Dickel, however, with his deadpan expressions and horrifying face, takes the cake on stupid names.

Dickel. Just take it in. Don’t worry, we will be here when you get back. Dickel. Dickel… Who in their right mind was like, “this sounds like a fantastic name. Let’s do this one. It will be a-ok”, and then submitted it to someone who submitted it to their boss who was like “Let’s make this dude appear in the anime.” W H O said yes to this?? Dickel. Maybe they were going for a friend of Schneizel and ended up with something that sounds like Pickle but… it's clearly not that. Dickel is the perfect example of a stupid name, and what happens when not only do you not have a grasp of a foreign language, but you go and attempt to act like you do, and fabricate names. If Dickel could teach us a lesson it would be this, “Do your research.”

Verdict: Oh Yoshiki Tanaka, you troll. You did not even try. Silver star for not even trying…

You are a name, not a number. Never forget that name, whatever they tell you here. – Jane Yolen