The JoJo beatdown is a beloved feature of fights in this long-running series. Here’s how it usually goes down: an overconfident villain plays dirty to get the upper hand against our main protagonist and beats them half to death. But while the villain is gloating about their assured victory, the protagonist figures out exactly how to defeat them. Then they pay the villain back for the abuse with a flurry of fists that’s so overkill, it stops just short of sending the victim flying into space like Team Rocket.
These karmic curbstomps are so iconic and satisfying that we’ve decided to highlight five of our favorites. Let’s explore the five best beatdowns in JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure!
5. Jotaro Kujo vs Yoshikage Kira
- Episode/chapter: Diamond is Unbreakable episode 24
Adult Jotaro is much more reserved than his edgelord teen self, so he doesn’t get involved in as many battles as he used to. But when Kira tries to murder Jotaro and Koichi with his Sheer Heart Attack bomb, the former crusader takes it personally. Maybe it’s because Kira is blonde, haughty, beat a kid in a green gakuran within an inch of his life, mentioned the time, and said “muda” once or twice...
Naturally, Jotaro gets triggered and Star Platinum “ORA ORA”s Kira until he’s a twitching, disheveled husk of the suave serial killer he used to be. The beatdown isn’t enough to actually kill him, but it’s still amazing to see Jotaro remind everyone that he’s the strongest stand user around – to the tune of the Stardust Crusaders theme, no less!
4. Josuke Higashikata vs Yuya Fungami
- Episode/chapter: Diamond is Unbreakable episode 29
Just a few episodes later, Josuke shows that he’s worthy of the Joestar family name by giving a badass beatdown of his very own. The nutrient-draining stand Highway Star has been relentlessly pursuing him for almost two full episodes, having already taken out Rohan and foiled Josuke’s attempts at calling in backup. So when our pompadoured hero trudges into the hospital room where Yuya (Highway Star’s user) is lounging, his patience has run very thin.
Scrambling to save himself, Yuya argues that attacking someone as severely injured as himself is cowardly. Josuke replies, “I thought about that, so I already fixed you. Then it wouldn’t be cowardly at all, would it?” Yuya takes a few seconds for the realization to kick in... and then Crazy Diamond punches him out of a fifth story window. Nice.
3. Johnny Joestar vs Funny Valentine
- Episode/chapter: Steel Ball Run chapter 86
This well-deserved beatdown comes at the end of a long journey where Johnny Joestar has learned to be a better person and walk on his own two feet (both figuratively and literally). But the invincible Valentine still stands in his way, and it looks like there’s no way for Johnny to defeat him.
He uses Gyro’s teachings and his last bullet to create the Infinite Spin and Tusk Act 4. The stand rips open the dimensional gates and pummels Valentine into the ground, spanning across every universe that the president tries to escape into until the bombastic villain is forced to surrender. Resistance is futile against the wrath of Tusk!
2. Jotaro Kujo vs Steely Dan
- Episode/chapter: Stardust Crusaders episode 17
Perhaps the most famous beatdown of them all is one of the very first, taking place early in part 3. The sneaky Steely Dan takes Joseph captive by using his miniature stand Lovers to burrow into his brain. While Kakyoin and Polnareff desperately try to defeat the stand, Steely Dan forces Jotaro to do demeaning things like steal jewelry and lay over a stream as a human footbridge because he knows the delinquent wouldn’t risk his grandfather’s life to harm him. But Jotaro keeps snickering to himself and writing things down in his notebook... what’s that about?
As soon as Joseph is free, Jotaro reveals his plan. He’d kept track of every single thing Steely Dan made him do and is going to make him pay for it... with twenty straight seconds of punches and a receipt to send him on his way. As one YouTube comment said, “Giving someone a receipt for a beatdown is far and away the most thug life thing I have ever seen.”
1. Giorno Giovanna vs Cioccolata
- Episode/chapter: Golden Wind chapter 123
If the other entries on this list weren’t over-the-top enough for you, Giorno Giovanna somehow manages to go even farther with a barrage of attacks that lasts seven whole pages. If it follows the same ratio as the Steely Dan fight, the anime version will last around 50 seconds—at least! But honestly, Cioccolata deserved it.
The mad scientist and his decaying stand Green Day had killed countless people and severely injured everyone in Bucciarati’s gang. Not being the type to let these transgressions slide, Giorno took the opportunity to deliver the longest one-sided beatdown in the entire series, ending with Gold Experience punching Cioccolata into a garbage truck. Right where he belongs.
There’s just something refreshingly cathartic about seeing a completely detestable person get their comeuppance in the form of excessive punching barrages. It’s a feeling that the JoJo series has perfected, and we love it every time we see it.
What did you think of our list? What are your favorite beatdowns in JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure? How long do you think the Cioccolata one will last in anime form? Let us know in the comments, and thanks so much for reading!